I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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