Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
