Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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