I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
