So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
