I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
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he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
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Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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