WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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