I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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