if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
