peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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