We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
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she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
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Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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