Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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