Fuck appropriateness.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
