I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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