WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
