I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
