I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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