I must be too annoying 4 u.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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