Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
