my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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