youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
