He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
