Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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