I'm so fucking centered right now
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
