You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
