what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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