This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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