Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
