Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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