My liver just broke up with me...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize
