im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
