How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize