Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
