I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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