last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The uberlube is also flammable
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
