I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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