If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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