He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
