I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Drake has all the answers
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
