I wish I could teleport
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
