i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
it's like heaven, but drunker
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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