Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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