It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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