ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
