I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize