Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
