playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
