I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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