I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
