I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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