I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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