Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just gargled with NyQuil
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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