Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
