bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
