yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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