Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
