I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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