he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
