Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
