I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
