I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
