What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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