If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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