I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
