Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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