i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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