I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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