Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
